Full Speed Ahead

I’ve been out of the U.S. fro roughly two weeks now. The novelty and excitement of international travel has all but worn off, and I’m beginning to find my routine. Class starts early each morning. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I wrap it up around 3; Tuesday and Thursday at 10 AM. It’s a decent schedule that allows plenty of time for homework, as well as leisure. Things are fairly static, but I still experience some discomfort. Not discomfort in a new environment/new culture (that is sure to last the entirety of my stay), but a discomfort concerning dedication and immersion. Call it a question, instead.

Where exactly do I stand in this far-off place called Lithuania? Where should I stand?

I suppose I should stop beating around the bush (albeit it a mighty large bush) and lay it out:

I do not know if I should fully 100% invest myself in this place. I do not know if I should fully 100% not invest myself in this place (keep a separation, rather). I do not know if the proper place to be is somewhere between the two extremes (although I suspect it is). If you are not prepared for a philosophical discussion, stop reading now.

I have weighed both sides. If I invest all of my being into Klaipeda and LCC; that is, rescind my American-ness, then I lose a major portion of my identity – my home, my family, my friends, Messiah College, ice hockey; even something as miniscule as light switches on the inside of the bathroom. Yet should I choose this path I will find myself immersed in a life completely new and full of wonder. There are new people, new places, new foods, new hobbies, new ideas, etc. In essence, it is a rebirth; an opportunity to erase my twenty years on this earth and start fresh. No one knows my name. No one knows my face. I have no past here. It is an oddly enticing thought. Yet, to forsake the past in this place is to forsake the future I left at home – not something that sits lightly on my heart…

I am most certain that not investing here is foolish. I only include the thought because it has in fact crossed my mind. To withdraw myself totally is to severely hinder my mental and spiritual growth. But as I have said, the idea has quietly crept through my thoughts on more than one occasion. Complete dissonance preserves life as I have known it. All those pieces mentioned above are granted a reprieve – given the opportunity to remain as they are and were going to be. But there is so much here. I must give if I am to receive.

So I am led to the middle of the argument, a vessel with raging seas all around. To my right, they rage with the unknown. I fear the hungry leviathan I am certain circles my craft, waiting to tear me to pieces. Yet I also fear the calm seas, for the sky glows red in the darkness. A storm is coming – of that much I am certain. Yet, I am also certain that I am in control. If I have to face the seas, I may as well face them on my own terms.

As I write my confidence grows, steering me towards the immediate storm to my right. It is not a storm of danger and despair, but a storm of opportunity and I am more than equipped. My vessel is my home – those I love and long for, for they keep me afloat. My sails, those qualities that define who I am. I use them to catch the gusting winds and propel me onwards. Steering me true is a rudder crafted from an open mind and patient heart…

And when the storm becomes too vicious; when the wind and rain rage beyond my control, I will not fret. “This hope (Christ Jesus) [I] have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast…” (Hebrews 6:19) to provide me an even keel. I know the storm will end and I know I will be far better for it in the end, for God told Noah:

“‘Thus I establish my covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.’ …’It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh.'”

There is a rainbow showing through the clouds and I am well on my way to its beginning. Do not get the idea that I am suffering. On the contrary, I am loving every second of my experience! But I would not be human if I did not experience some discomfort; if I did not question myself and my situation. As these words have traveled from my head to my fingers to this page I cannot help but feel refreshed and full of hope. God is good. Family is forever. Life is beautiful.

 
Oh yeah, and Lithuania is pretty cool too. ;)